In Small Packages
by Avelona-and-Sally
Summary: Naruto's an ambassador, the three Defense teachers are entirely unprofessional, Harry's a pervert, and he's dragging Draco down with him. A present to myself, since I wanted a complete Naruto crossover, for once.


"This will be the only class you will have with all three of us," the pearl-eyed woman said, still in the same polite, careful posture she'd been in at the start of the introduction. "Your lessons will be divided into time with myself, Professor Haruno and Professor Uchiha. I understand that this might be confusing at first, but I don't doubt you will be able to catch on quickly."

"I will be teaching _taijutsu,"_ the stone-faced man spoke up. "It is a physical class. I ask that you come dressed appropriately, or bring a change of clothes and be prepared to change into them very quickly at the start of class. I understand that your fighting style's base is not physical. However, if you do as instructed, you will find your reaction time better than that of your enemies, and in general, your performance will increase."

"I'm Professor Haruno and I'll be teaching two things: _genjutsu_ and medical _jutsu._ _Genjutsu_ deals with illusion – something that is crucial to see through at _all_ times. Medical _jutsu_ will heal physical wounds. Though many of your spells do not only affect the physical, you will find that just as many do. The Cruciatus – " – she stumbled over the unusual word – " – for example, while very mentally potent, occurs mostly on a physical level. This trauma can be healed, if you know what to do. I cannot promise that you will be able to cure its effects in the small amount of time we have, but other, weaker spells, definitely."

"Lastly, I will be teaching theory and _ninjutsu,"_ Professor Hyuuga finished. Her smile became kinder as she surveyed the unimpressed faces, "I know that your last Defense teacher relied heavily on demonstrations, to the point of performing illegal curses on you. Most of my classes will not be so exciting, but if you feel that I am not practical enough, please approach me. We can try and find a medium," she promised.

"Any questions?" Uchiha barked, his glare probably stifling any and all.

Except, of course, Hermione's. "Can you tell us more about the Elemental Nations?"

"The Elemental Nations recently came out of a war and would like very much to get back in touch with the outside world," Professor Haruno answered, "Professor Dumbledore was kind enough to give us such a valuable position as this, to teach your country's youth about how our countries work."

"We hope that we leave you with a good impression, and that you will continue to better relations between England and Japan in the future," Hyuuga topped off.

"We three are from the Land of Fire, as is our ambassador," the pink-haired woman said, pointing to the metal head accessory on the brow of the man beside her. Uchiha didn't acknowledge her, his glare flooding the rows of students exactly like Snape's. "This shows we belong to the Village of Konoha. As ninja, we are loyal to our village above all else.

"There are six countries in the Elemental Nations, but the ones I know most about are Fire and Wind," she tilted her head apologetically, "Since I live in one, and have a few friends in the other. The rest are not very different, though.

"The main differences between your world and ours are that in yours, magic is used often, and for simple things, whereas in ours, it is usually only used for battle, and your world keeps magic hidden, while in ours, magic users are constantly hired out to perform tasks like guarding, stealing and assassination."

"To be blunt, our 'magic users' are all mercenaries." Uchiha's voice cut through the friendly tone of Haruno's like one of the swords displayed on the walls. "We won't be engaging in any fighting anytime soon, however. Instead, the three of us have come here to educate you children, while our _ambassador,"_ the word came out like a taunt, though the person he was insulting wasn't anywhere in the room, "Deals with your Ministry."

"That pretty much sums it up," Haruno nodded, pink hair bobbing up and down. "And I think class is about to end, anyway."

"Please don't hesitate to ask if you still have questions next time," Hyuuga chipped in over the sound of chairs moving and robes rustling, "Your next class will be with me; no need for different attire."

[-M-]

"I didn't think you'd be the type to be homesick," the witch said, mousy brown hair reflecting her less-than-okay mood.

"Yeah, Kakashi's a jerk." He sipped the Firewhiskey.

"That's your leader?"

"Kage of Konoha," the man affirmed, "I'd really be much happier there – there're still repairs, inter-country relations and stuff to figure out. But he wanted me here, to learn diplomacy between countries outside the Elemental Nations. I'm pretty sure it because I'm actually qualified to do the paperwork, though." A gulp this time. "I hate paperwork."

The woman snorted, "Been there. _Am_ there, actually," she peered into the dregs of her glass, "I'm supposed to be recording our conversation."

He scoffed, "Fail. You'd make an awful ninja."

She nodded, "Graceful as a bleedin' butterfly, I am." A wave of her wand had her glass full again, with the bottle next to it a little emptier.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What's this war of yours all about?" Another gulp.

"Race relations. Some people think they're better than others."

The blonde frowned, "You sure? 'Cause that doesn't really get very far, ever."

She shrugged, "Might be other stuff, too. Usually is. This is just the part we focus on."

"Focus on your crumbling society. It's what's supposed to keep shit like this from happening." Gulp.

"Yeah, yeah. There just wasn't a lot of this after the first time; people felt secure."

"Well, they shouldn't. Shit happens."

She peered at him squintily, "What's got your panties in a twist, blondie?"

He sighed, "Honestly? Friends are here, but I can't see them."

"The new Hogwarts instructors?"

"Yeah."

"One of them a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, the asshole with his hair like a duck's backsi – _no."_ He gave her a look, "In case you haven't seen me, I'm a mess."

"I can't tell."

"Well, you're a mess, too."

"Yeah." The woman gave a sad nod and turned her attention back to her drink, "It's not that I don't get where he's coming from, I _do, _and it's nice that he cares enough to think of my future, but…"

"He's an idiot."

"_Yeah! _Just like you!"

"Oi! I'm a first-class _shinobi_, thanks very much!"

"No – he's a first-class fighter, too – with stuff like _this,"_ she waved her arm wildly and nearly toppled off her barstool, "You're stupid."

"Howzzat?"

"You've been telling me about your war for, like, half and hour – and I _know_ you only talk about the fights 'cause you think everything else is boring – and you've mentioned the Hana girl three times. With descriptions."

"_Hinata – _Hanabi's her sister. And, yeah, she's sexy, but so what? I'm busy, she's busy, we never see each other, we've barely talked…"

"She's confessed her love for you, hasn't she?"

"Oh…I told you that, too? Man, maybe I should lay off," he squinted into his bottle, "I'm turning into Tsunade."

"Your second leader, a drunk and your godmother."

"Son of a bitch!" The man slammed his drink down hard enough to crack the colored glass, put a fistful of coins on the counter, and got up. "No more for me, Auror-girl. But thanks for getting me drunk in accordance with your ulterior motives."

"Don't make it sound dirty!" she whined, and turned back to her drink, "And for the love of Merlin, find this girl you're so hung up over and get it on, already. You're drunk – perfect excuse!"

"Where did you grow up? That's not an excuse!"

"Whatever. 'Night, blondie."

[-M-]

"N-Naruto, you're intoxicated!"

"Uh-huh."

"M-Maybe this isn't such a good id-dea," she said, face red as always, "You're drunk, it's not – _eek!"_

"Wouldn't have the guts to do this if I was sober," he responded, neatly pulling his shirt off and diving back on top of her. "Have I ever told you how awesome you looked at the battle with Madara? Like a warrior princess."

"Y-You have, actually. Though you were a bit more normal about it then," she said with increasingly incredulous looks at the blonde, whose tongue was moistening every bit of her neck and shoulders he could reach with it.

"Was beautiful," he said genuinely, then dropped his pants.

Deliberately keeping her eyes on his face, the Hyuuga moved her face closer and closer to his until their lips touched, their eyes still staring eerily at each other, the smell of booze in the air. "You were pretty cool, too," she said when it was over.

"Be my girlfriend, 'kay? We'll be cool together," he smiled…then passed out.

With a long-suffering sigh, she pulled him onto the small bed and cuddled up against his alcohol-heated skin. She had a class to teach tomorrow, after all.

[-M-]

"Uh – I'm looking for Professor Snape?"

About twenty heads turned to see a very green ambassador enter the potions laboratory, a small slip of paper in his hand. The potions master took it with a sneer, shooting the blonde a glare as he did so. Once reading it, his expression became a tad less hostile and he moved fluidly to the front of the room, cranked up the heat of the cauldron of water on it, opened a suspicious jar and dumped all of it into the now-bubbling cauldron.

His attention now back on the class, he observed with a very cat-that-ate-the-canary air as everyone proceeded to act like they were short on time and hurriedly chopped, squeezed and stirred as if the last minute had been the least interesting in the world, whereas their potion the exact opposite.

The ambassador – "Naruto Uzumaki; he's the one making friends with the Ministry," Hermione whispered – sat down in one of the chairs at an empty table in front of them, looking completely bored as well as ill.

Hearing his name, the _shinobi_ turned to them, "Yes?"

"Um, I was just explaining to my friend who you were – we all thought you looked familiar," she said, lowering the heat on her cauldron with ease, and giving it a small smile of satisfaction when the potion turned the described color of poison-yellow and became still, before turning her attention back to the foreigner. "Are you alright?"

He waved a hand in dismissal of the concern, "Hangover. Needed a cure, so I came here."

"Ah." Hermione's expression was exactly the right combination of these-things-happen-but-not-to-anyone-_I_-know and polite interest.

Uzumaki laughed loudly, then winced as the noise reached him. The room quieted to hear what was happening, everyone glaring at those who hadn't yet gotten to the step where their cauldron would cease boiling noisily. Some, casting their fears about grades aside, lowered the heat early. "Not that impressive, right? I'm great on the battlefield, though – it's how I got this far." He gave her a thumbs up.

"That's right – there was a war recently?" she asked.

His smile dimmed a bit, "Yeah. Pretty awful. Lost a friend."

"I'm sorry."

"Just work hard in your Defense Class, yeah?" He grinned, "You've got some great teachers. Sasuke was a prodigy, Sakura was right after him, grade-wise, and Hinata's my girlfriend, which makes her fifty times more awesome than them by default."

Hermione smiled at the attitude, though it disappeared as Snape glided over and presented the man with a steaming goblet. Giving a small, sarcastic _"Kampai,"_ the blonde tossed it back, then dropped the glass in surprise, clawing at his tongue as if it had developed a rash. Ron immediately grabbed Harry's arm before he could raise his wand at the smirking potions master. You could hear a pin drop.

Hacking, the blonde stared balefully at the black-haired man, "What was that? Liquid _shit?"_

"Your friend specifically requested it taste as awful as possible," the professor responded, handing him back the note, "Something about learning a lesson?"

Reading the paper now that letters didn't make his eyes want to vomit, he growled, "That bitch." Turning his head so fast back towards Hermione, he made her jump, he gave a furious scowl, "Forget everything I said about Haruno. She's an awful, awful person and you should play the worst pranks you can think of on her. And if you do, tell her they're from _me."_

The door to the dungeon opened once again, and a high-pitched giggle could be heard, sending a shiver up the spine of every occupant. "Mr. _Uzumaki,_" Umbridge crooned, her heels making small tapping sounds as she moved past the rows of tables, "I didn't know you were here. Why are you in the dungeons? If you wanted to see the castle, surely there are some less – err – _damp_ places to view?" said the High Inquisitor, correcting herself as Snape's glare reached her in the gloom.

"I just needed a potion made. I'm on my way out," the man assured her, sounding a little panicked at the possibility of having to spend any time with the toad-woman at all.

"Oh, nonsense, if you're here, why not have a tour?"

"Are you sure you're the best person to give it, Ms. Umbridge?" Uzumaki asked, spiky hair seeming to increase its height in response to the anxiety he was projecting, "I hear you're also fairly new to the school."

"Also? You mean you will be residing here from now on, Mr. Uzumaki?" Snape pitched in, shooting the ambassador a smirk when he turned and mouthed _'Kill. You.'_

"Really? I hadn't heard – "

"With all due respect, Ms. Umbridge, this conversation is causing a slight disturbance," Snape interrupted.

Complete and utter silence. No-one even bothered to pretend they weren't listening.

"Oh, how silly of me!" she trilled a nauseating giggle, "Mr. Uzumaki, why don't you join me for breakfast?"

At the genuine threat of having to be around her any more than necessary, Uzumaki seemed to begin projecting all signs of sickness, "I would, Ms. Umbridge, but I've just recovered from a hangover and I don't think food would be the best idea right now – maybe some other time?"

"I'll hold you to that," she said with a disturbing wink, and left.

After miming slitting his throat and pointing at Snape, the ninja followed her out.

[-M-]

"Please take out a piece of parchment and take some time to write down questions you have concerning the Ninja Continent. Afterwards, we'll have a question-and-answer session. During this, you'll cross out everything on your list we addressed and add more questions on as they come to you. At the end, you'll turn in your questions, and I'll be able to see where you are in understanding our culture and magic."

Harry stifled a laugh at the sight of Hermione's beaming face. Five minutes passed, with the sound of scratching quills filling the silence.

"Alright, what do you have for me?" Professor Hyuuga said, leaning casually against her desk and searching the rows with her pearly eyes. They found Hermione's raised hand immediately and closed to accompany her smile. "Your name is?"

"Hermione Granger, Professor. How does your government work?"

A few people groaned. Harry observed Ron getting into position to sleep.

"Every country does it differently – in Konoha, the current Hokage chooses a successor. Typically, they'll work under them until the current leader steps down or is killed. Together with the Council, which is made up of the leaders of Konoha's clans, the Hokage comes to decisions about the village. Other villages have variations of the same system." She paused, "A Kage is only a country's chosen military ruler – we still have a monarchy; the Fire _Daimyō_ is in charge of everything non-ninja."

Hermione frowned, "Then why is Mr. Uzumaki your ambassador? Isn't he a ninja?"

The older woman frowned, "Well…it's a bit difficult to explain… After the war, the system was almost completely scrapped. No-one wanted the _Daimyō_ ruling, and they were left with only the jobs the Kages agreed it would be alright for them to have. It's a really big, annoying change for them, but politics have been handed over to the Kages to deal with as well, because politics and war are so closely intertwined."

Before the brunette could get another word in, Seamus raised his hand and asked, "Why are your eyes like that?"

"It's a family trait, Mr…?"

"Finnigan."

"Mr. Finnigan." She turned to Harry, "Mr. Potter, am I right?"

"Yeah. How is knowing this going to help us fight Voldemort, exactly?" He asked. Several annoyed glances were thrown his way, but he brushed them off.

The woman sighed, "Officially, I can't say I believe or don't believe You-Know-Who is back. But, knowing how a country works is very important if you want that country's aid. Ninja will take any job assigned, if you can provide something sufficient in exchange. Or were you referring to Professor Uchiha or Professor Haruno's classes?"

The teen shook his head; he understood why theirs were needed.

"_Hem, hem."_

Professor Hyuuga turned to the source of the noise, and her smile became just a little more forced, "Ms. Umbridge, what a pleasure. Are you here to observe?"

"Indeed," the toad-woman replied, bulging eyes surveying the room above a poisonous smile.

"Please take a seat – there's a chair available in the back."

The stout woman made her way over quickly, then sat down with crossed legs and prepared her clipboard.

"Ms. Granger?"

"Can you tell us about _ninjutsu?"_

"I'd be happy to," the woman said, pleased at the distraction from the distraction, and moved over to the blackboard behind her desk.

[-M-]

"You're still not doing it right."

"How the _hell _am I not doing it right?! I trained under Tsunade!"

"'The Legendary Sucker,' right?"

"Oi. You slam my teachers, I slam yours," Sakura responded, giving him the stinkeye.

The Uchiha sighed and straightened her arm, adjusting her hold on the _kunai,_ "It'll make your throws more forceful."

"Right. With you, Naruto and Kakashi, more force is what this team needs," Sakura scoffed, but observed as he viciously threw the knife, a small trail of hot air following it as his fire chakra heated the metal and caused the wood it was attacking to splinter.

"You asked how I did it, Haruno."

"_You _said, 'Sure, why not?' when Kakashi gave you the mission details."

"I feel closer to _sensei_ than ever. Every pain he had with the three of us…multiplied by about a hundred and fifty," his eyes narrowed as he surveyed the eighteen-or-so civilians attempting _kata_.

Feeling his glare, a few cringed and unconsciously moved away. Sakura sighed and pulled another _kunai_ out of her weapons' pouch, concentrated, then threw hard, chakra propelling it at the target.

"Almost," Sasuke said, then came close behind her – much closer than the technique even required. With tremendous effort, she surpressed the shiver his cold fingers caused when they adjusted her hold again, and the second one almost triggered by his mouth so close to her ear, "Just focus."

Her gaze sharpened, her hold became better, and she threw with the same precision and control she had over her chakra when healing. The knife sliced through the board and buried itself in the trunk of the tree behind it up to the small loop for wire. Had she not possessed super strength, she might've been royally pissed at the loss of a good _kunai._ Quickly, she pulled the weapon out with a finger, resumed her former place (sans Uchiha this time) and did the same thing, though this time the knife sliced through the already-damaged tree and bounced off the trunk of the one behind it.

Her teacher gave her a nod and stalked off to scowl at the Hogwarts students.

[-M-]

"You must feel your magic. It can be molded, it can be shaped. Concentrate it until you can feel it humming beneath your fingertips," Professor Haruno instructed, walking precisely around the room and eyeing anyone for even a remote sign of distraction.

Harry, for the most part, tried hard not to fall asleep, the jumbled sentences from his Divination homework swimming behind his eyes as he 'meditated'.

[-M-]

"Your _chakra_ is a combination of the spiritual and the physical. Your magic is a combination of the spiritual and the physical. The energy that shapes and changes your surroundings and you – reach for it, harness it," Professor Hyuuga said, soft voice echoing around the silent classroom.

The Potter cracked an eye open and observed Hermione's almost-red face as she concentrated. With amusement, he watched as Hyuuga brushed a pale, cool-looking hand against the girl's red cheek, surprising her so much, she jumped.

"Concentration and frustration are two different things, Ms. Granger. Be careful – every one of us has injured ourselves by accidentally doing what you're doing right now. That goes for you, too, Mr. Longbottom."

[-M-]

"If you _can_not concentrate, you _will_ not be able to battle without making mistakes and your _chakra_ will not work properly. As _chakra_ is an extension of your physical and spiritual, what would that say about you?" Professor Uchiha barked, stalking around the students trying hard to keep from sneezing in the cold.

Feeling the seat of his pants dampening from the dew on the grass, Harry shifted, receiving a vicious glare from the black-haired man when their eyes met. Biting back a retort, he closed his eyes, pressing his fists together hard to try and relieve some of the frustration.

[-M-]

Harry wasn't sure which was more embarrassing – being caught under the Invisibility Cloak or having been so after accidentally walking in on Uzumaki on top of Hyuuga. Mortifying as it was, he was glad he wasn't alone in this: Hermione and Ron stood on either side of him, faces pink and looking anywhere but at the put-out blonde and tomato-colored professor as the ambassador chewed them out.

"This is interesting, though," Uzumaki said, running the Invisibility Cloak through his fingers, and smirking at their discomfort. "This is what you've been using to sneak around for the last four years, correct?"

Harry couldn't bring himself to nod; Hermione did it for him.

"Alright, here's the deal: you look up whatever it is that makes this cloak work. I hear you're good at research," he turned his gaze on Hermione. She nodded quickly, looking at the ground, face radiating heat. "Get me the details of this thing, and I'll help you with whatever you were looking for tonight – assuming it wasn't a free show."

Ron made a choking sound.

"Alright, then," Uzumaki grinned, "Well, _we're_ busy, so off you go!"

Snatching the cloak out of the whisker-faced man's hands, Harry actually considered listening to Snape and staying in his dormitory at night, like he was supposed to.

[-M-]

"Again, please," Professor Hyuuga instructed, veins on either side of her eyes bulging eerily as she observed the Disillusioned coat.

"Why can't _you_ do it, Professor?" Ron groaned, massaging the cramping muscles of his hand. Harry sighed with sympathy.

"For one thing, we can't use magic like you do. For another, she's busy looking at _what _it is you're doing. Third, if you complain one more time, I'm going to assume you just wanted to see my girlfriend naked and will be forced to kill you, likely causing an international incident," Naruto said with a grin.

"Prof – er, Mr. Uzumaki, why is that?" Hermione asked, looking up from the heavy book she'd been skimming for any mention of the Invisibility Cloak, "Why can't you do magic?"

"Why can't you control _chakra?"_ asked Professor Hyuuga, "We were raised from a young age to do it a certain way, and over time became accustomed to our way of doing things. Again, please, Mr. Weasley."

"So, in theory, if a magic child grew up learning the two ways simultaneously…" Hermione mused.

"Eh, probably. I really wouldn't know," Uzumaki reclined back onto the loveseat he was occupying.

"Naruto-_kun,_" Hyuuga said, "Could you please cast a _genjutsu_ for invisibility?" The ninja stood and made a gesture with his hands, then disappeared in a puff of smoke. The pearl-eyed woman nodded, "Yes, definitely."

"Definitely what?" came the ambassador's voice. With another puff of smoke, he reappeared.

"There is definitely no resemblance between _genjutsu_ and Disillusionment," she said with a smile. Her boyfriend facefaulted.

[-M-]

"Hey, Bookworm," Uzumaki said, sliding into a seat opposite Granger.

Two tables away, Malfoy made a small sign for Nott to hush, keeping his eyes on the text in front of him, but looking like he was listening _very_ carefully.

"Hello, Mr. Uzumaki," she said, placing a bookmark precisely under the line she'd been reading, then turning her attention to him, "I haven't found very much, yet."

"Isn't that a storybook?" the whiskered man said with a pout, "It doesn't seem like you're trying too hard."

"It was mentioned in another book I read. It has the first known mention of the Invisibility Cloak."

"What's the story about?"

And so she related it to him, emphasizing the lesson, the author, and Death.

"Death, huh?" Uzumaki sighed, taking the book and skimming the passage with his own eyes. The Granger bit her lip, once again awkwardly aware that she was sitting in front of a war veteran. "Stupid _shinigami."_

"_Shinigami?"_ the girl tested the word out, "Is that the Japanese word for it?"

"Death God," the ambassador confirmed, "It's all up there with magic, _chakra, _Killer Intent. Stuff I don't really understand."

"What's Killer Intent?"

"It's, like, a thing… You use it to scare your opponent…" the man fumbled, rubbing his neck and furrowing his brows in consternation, and Hermione realized with a small, exasperated exhalation of air that there was a _reason_ Mr. Uzumaki wasn't one of the new professors.

"I'll ask Professor Hyuuga about it." Hermione stopped him before it could reach a point of no return.

"Ah – okay. Good." The man honestly seemed relieved. "Anyway, I've actually got a meeting in an hour or so. But you – keep me posted, alright?"

"Will do," the girl replied, already immersed in more _Beedle the Bard._

[-M-]

"Professor, what's Killer Intent?"

Uchiha glared at him. Draco didn't take back his question. And now that he thought about it, the strict no-talking rule during meditation was probably also to keep them quiet. He couldn't tell if the man was just lazy, or if he hated them that much. The approach he took to physical training was certainly much more militaristic than he would've expected, considering Hyuuga, Haruno and Uzumaki's dispositions.

"Do you not have a teacher for theory?"

"Professor Hyuuga seemed distracted," the blonde said quickly, "I didn't want to bother her."

The words _'So you decided to bother me?'_ stretched out languidly in the air between them. The _taijutsu_ instructor looked ready to drop-kick him into the lake. Nevertheless, the ninja grit his teeth and spoke, "It's a way to intimidate your opponent. Killer Intent is malicious intent. It can cause a person to lose consciousness, or even – " – a disgusted expression bloomed on his face – " – control of their bodily functions."

The request for demonstration died on his tongue. "How useful is it in battle?"

"Very – it is the exact strength of your emotions. Hate, anger, malevolence, the will to survive all let loose on one unsuspecting individual. When first faced with Uzumaki's Killer Intent, I nearly fell to my knees," the man admitted.

"Uzumaki?" The image of the pouting, blonde, whisker-faced man came to mind, and Draco could not connect the two.

A smile appeared on Uchiha's face, "He is an idiot, yes, but he holds several lifetime's worth of pain. To release it – it would make the receiver wish for death. One of the reasons it is called Killer Intent." The teacher then turned and walked away dramatically, leaving the boy to stare uncomprehendingly at Nott and Zabini, who gave him the same disbelieving look he was wearing.

That man, a killer?

[-M-]

"Ms. Umbridge has been giving me very detailed reports of your ninja's teachings, Mr. Uzumaki," Cornelius Fudge said amiably over a glass of wine, "Very informative."

"Ah – I hope the curriculum is to your liking?" the blonde said with a smile, finger going 'round the rim of his own glass in as uncomfortable a manner as he could make it. "Misses Hyuuga and Haruno are very good teachers; they both helped me with exams back in Fire Country."

"Yes, yes. We are, however, worried about the advance of _magical_ teachings in defense," Fudge emphasized, staring hard at Uzumaki.

"Oh, you'd have to talk to Dumbledore about that – it's his school, after all. We were just invited over in a show of good faith. Unless – " he frowned, looking like he honestly couldn't tell if it was an insult or not, but he was offended anyway.

"No, no, no! Of course I don't mean to imply anything!" Fudge floundered, nearly pouring his wine onto the ambassador, "We are very happy to finally have contact with Japan's magic-users! It's just the children we worry about, you see?"

"Yes," Naruto stared into his glass, "Children should be well-prepared."

[-M-]

The glares were intense, angry, and undoubtedly filled with what each aggressor _hoped_ was Killer Intent, but only amounted to a slightly warmer forehead for each.

Hermione held back a snarl of frustration, "Look, I know neither of you like it, but it's becoming more and more obvious that learning all the ninja stuff isn't enough, that we have to learn some _magical_ Defense, too, and I'm more than certain the _entire_ school needs to, so if you could just – _put that wand down, Harry Potter!"_

Said teenager huffed and stuffed the instrument back into his pocket, earning a smirk from the blond Slytherin.

"Like I said, we need to learn Defense. The things the ninja are teaching us are interesting – " (A variation of 'speak for yourself' came out of each boy's mouth.) " – but I think we really need to start focusing on the magic stuff. We have OWLS this year, and we all _know_ that Umbridge's 'optional' lessons aren't worth anything."

"So what do you propose?" Malfoy said with a sneer, turning to the bushy-haired girl, but fingering his wand in case the scarred boy tried something.

"We make our own club. _Without_ Umbridge's permission, for _everyone_ to participate in." Hermione said, eyes steely as she met Draco's haughty gaze.

"And, pray tell, Mudblood, where would I fit into this?"

The witch took a deep breath and began.

[-M-]

"Never thought I'd see the day when Malfoy would take advice from Harry on wand movements," Neville said (quietly, so neither heard and stopped; it would be like spooking deer).

Colin Creevey quickly snapped a photo, the room kindly adjusting the lighting for him.

[-M-]

The attack on Arthur Weasley set off a flurry of action that no-one had anticipated.

No. 12 Grimmauld Place was bustling, not just with Weasleys and Order members, but, suddenly, with a throng of Japanese guests that very few people could find a way to be comfortable around. The visitors popped in and out like everyone else (though Naruto, Hinata, Sakura and Sasuke – and wasn't that strange? To call them by their first names – stayed in the enormous townhouse along with the rest of them), and were treated much the same as the Aurors, but they had a distinct discomfort that the teachers and whiskered ambassador had grown out of.

Naruto was no longer the only ambassador here. Wind Country had sent another: a blonde, slightly temperamental woman whose first reaction to anything near an insult was a threat of physical harm. Only the _shinobi_ could find something to say that didn't make her glare at them. And the additional _shinobi_ were an interesting assortment, as well. Shikamaru Nara, Ino Yamanaka and Chouji Akamichi. All part of one team, all (with the exception of the portly – but you didn't _dare_ even _refer to_ it! – Chouji) bickering with someone constantly, and all lazy as could be.

To the relief of the wizards, the newcomers were rarely around, always out working on something with either the ministry, or the Order and in general leaving everyone alone. Some evenings, however, it was quite a sight to see the entire group of ninja together. The use of Japanese was unavoidable – previously, English had been the primary language out of courtesy to the hosts, but now, with such a large group, _nihongo_ flowed between the individuals freely.

The women gossiped, the men joked, the couples (and they'd all paired up nicely, too – Ino cuddled up against Chouji's bulk, Temari put her feet in Shikamaru's lap, Naruto idly played with Hinata's hair as she read, Sakura copied notes from a medi-witch text while sitting on Sasuke's legs) snuggled in the firelight and the distance everyone had clearly defined at the beginning of the year melted away as Naruto recalled 'kickass' battles to Sirius, Sakura and Mrs. Weasley traded healing tips, Ron taught Shikamaru chess, and Sasuke and Snape discussed what Harry imagined were sneering techniques.

Despite the numerous bandages on Mr. Weasley's leg, Christmas was merry, with, to everyone's surprise, a kiss being exchanged before Lupin and Tonks went home, and (maybe a little less surprise here) a loud chorus of a medley of wizarding carols by a slightly intoxicated Sirius Black.

[-M-]

Harry could feel it. Judgement coming down on him from all sides, and from none other than Severus Snape.

There was a long moment of silence in which Harry realized that no, there was not anything worse than people picking your brain for all the things you wanted to hide, particularly the ones you didn't want to see in the first place.

Naruto Uzumaki on top of Hyuuga Hinata. Papers everywhere. Pants undone. Alarmed, pearly eyes turning to look at him, murderous blue ones following. Hasty re-arrangement of clothes. The feeling of the skin on his face burning in embarrassment, much like it was now.

"Potter."

If he asked, Harry would kill him.

There was a cough. "What was that?"

Oh, Merlin, why couldn't he just _die_ already?

"The _door,_ Potter! What was the _door?"_

Oh. That was alright, then.

[-M-]

"Ah!"

"Again?! Get back here, you little shits!"

"Sorry, sorry!" Harry ran.

"Ever heard of knocking, Potter?" Malfoy spat, right behind him. "And did I hear correctly? You've done this more than once? Are you a pervert?"

"I'm gonna pummel you!"

The boys paled at the sight of an army of blond, blue-eyed, be-whiskered, angry ninja, and bolted quickly for the seventh floor. Only the Room of Requirement would help them now.

[-M-]

"…Harry? Why were you and Malfoy in a broom closet together?"

[-M-]

"Occlumency?" Draco said, "You must be awful at it. The Dark Lord doesn't tell my father anything, but it's obvious he's in a good mood. Though that might be because he's getting free shows out of your memories from all the times you've walked in on Hyuuga and Uzumaki."

[-M-]

"You have to concentrate on a happy memory," Harry reminded the Slytherin.

"Like the time you and Harry were in a broom closet!" Hermione trilled cheerfully. Three conversations around them stopped.

"I'm going to murder you, Potter," the blonde said, the words muffled by his hands.

[-M-]

"So let me get this straight…" Malfoy said. "You walk in on Hyuuga and Uzumaki in the Cloak, she sees you with that eye thing of hers, and they offer to help you learn more about Umbridge if you just get them more information on the Cloak?"

Hermione nodded, nose buried in a text.

"That's so…pointless!"

"Pardon?" The boys looked up from their studies at the wizard, who, though assigned to the same task the other three had been hustled into, hadn't so much as touched a dusty tome.

"The Cloak – the _real_ Cloak, and that must be it, since you've had it for _five years,_ was _actually_ given to the three brothers by Death." He considered it for a moment, "So this was why you and Uzumaki were talking about children's stories in the library."

"That's ridiculous. Death isn't…" But then the witch considered what Naruto had said, how familiar he seemed with the concept of a deity there to harvest souls, and hushed.

Draco nodded, "Real thing. Lost, outdated – like Ancient Runes – but real."

Hermione beamed and scooted a little closer, "What else do you know?"

Looking like the cat-that-ate-the-canary due to finally being able to explain something to Hermione, Draco began drawing a pedigree.

[-M-]

"So it's no use, huh?" Naruto said, cheeks smooshing together and making kissy lips due to his chin resting in his hands. "I guess there's no helping it, then. I'll have to add to your punishment."

Harry nervously fingered the material of the cloak his robe pocket, prepared to lie and say he'd misplaced it for the time being if the ninja asked for him to cough it up. Draco scowled, arms crossed; Ron and Hermione traded worried looks.

"I'll need you to translate the use of magic in Disillusionment into the use of chakra, so that it can be imitated."

"We can help," Hinata chipped in, an irritated Sasuke looking away from them deliberately, at a neutral Sakura.

"Hinata and Sasuke both have special eyes. Sasuke's make him especially good with cracking _genjutsu,_ which is something that Sakura is pretty good at."

"How will we…?"

"We just need you to _perfect_ the spell, beyond _anywhere_ it was before, and then help us monitor the flow of your _chakra_ to translate it into our kind of magic," Sakura explained cheerfully, "It'll be a piece of cake. The amount of people is to keep it varied. Though I wish there was more than one girl, for good results."

"There is," Ron grunted, pointing a thumb at Draco. The Slytherin tossed suspiciously pretty, well-conditioned (but _definitely_ manly) bangs away from his face and pouted (glared. _Glared)_ at the Weasley.

[-M-]

"Umbridge's office? That's what you were looking for?" Draco said incredulously when the three Gryffindors admitted to their plan. "What made you think the Defense classroom would be the best place to look?"

"We didn't think she'd be in there, we just wanted to start with that part of the building."

"And you are aware that earlier that day, you were _in_ that classroom, right?"

"Can we just drop it?! I never want to remember that again, ever!" Harry spat quickly.

The Slytherin scoffed, but turned his attention back to the ugly, stout woman in the pink suit, lips pressing together musingly. The trio followed his gaze. "We're making another try for it tonight," Hermione said, "You're coming with."

"Pardon, Granger? I don't remember saying I wanted to." One platinum blonde eyebrow moved up on the boy's face.

"It's so you don't snitch on us while we're looking."

"Then why tell me in the first place?" The wizard rolled his eyes but didn't wait for an answer. "I suppose I can devote some time to snooping through her things. I'm curious to look at her files on students."

Harry and Ron exchanged nervous looks and Hermione glowered, but none of them protested. They were curious, too.

[-M-]

"Oh, _god,"_ Draco glowered at the sheet of paper, "Who'd accept a lunch invitation sent by _her?_ Fudge is an idiot if he thinks Dumbledore'll let her get any important information on you."

"Quiet, please," Sakura quipped, "Bugs."

"Wizards don't have those. There are charms, but I doubt she'd place them here, what with the kinds of detentions _she_ serves up," Hermione said, eyes brushing on Harry's hand.

"Still…I don't like you talking so loud. Makes it difficult to listen for footprints," she responded, leaning against the wall and observing as they picked through the woman's foolishly unlocked briefcase and desk drawers. She opened her mouth to correct their handling: they should've at least been wearing gloves, and their hair should've been tied back, especially Weasley's ginger mop – there were only a few like it in the school – but a snap from Sasuke stopped her.

Quickly, the four wizards were on the ceiling (she didn't know if she should be sick or grateful for the large amounts of pink drapery hiding the dusty wood from view), four scowling ninja gripping them tightly, thankful that they'd abandoned the traditional robes for this jaunt and had instead simply worn the uniform, though Sasuke's face was turning a bright red due to the large expanse of skin made available by Granger's skirt. He kept his eyes on the door, as Umbridge entered and sat down at her desk, the cup of tea she'd brought signaling she'd be in it for the long haul.

Without more than a rustle of cloth, the students were lying on their stomachs across the backs of the ninja, whose hands and feet were gripping the ceiling with only the minimum chakra needed, their muscles doing the rest. It looked like this would become an exercise in chakra control.

[-M-]

"Never again!" Naruto said, stretching sore muscles and supporting Sakura. "I thought she was out of the castle?"

"She _was,"_ Hermione said, doing the same, but with much smaller motions than the ninja, trying not to look like her efforts – consisting of keeping her hair away from Sasuke's nose, trying not to shift too much and trying not to sneeze – were tiring after watching the ninja. Her shirt was damp with the ex-Avenger's sweat.

"How did you do that for…"

"Two hours," Hinata moaned, coming over to Naruto and not even bothering to attempt courtesy as she pushed Sakura over to the Uchiha and leaned heavily against her boyfriend, "How can a lunch break take two _hours?"_

"We all need a shower," Naruto said decisively, "And _don't_ you two try to get a look."

Draco attempted to strangle Harry.

[-M-]

"So, are you satisfied?"

Hinata stretched her sore legs pointedly before placing them delicately over the rest of the couch and curling up against Naruto. The three Gryffindors, plus Malfoy, exchanged slightly sheepish glances before nodding, each taking a cinnamon roll off the tray on the coffee table.

"It's not that we won't do it again, we just don't want to," Sasuke clarified, wiping frosting off Haruno's nose with his thumb and putting it in his mouth.

"Not anytime soon, anyway," Naruto finished, giving up his pastry to Hinata. It was her third, but the tray kept re-filling itself, so no-one complained.

Harry scowled, "I know she has dirt on the Ministry in there _some_where. We haven't even checked the drawers yet."

"We should take a break, though," Hermione said, licking traces of brown sugar from her lips, "We've got that perfect Disillusionment charm down, and we can try translating it into _chakra_ now."

"Mm!" Hinata swallowed, "About that – Sakura and I have been working together, and we've come to a conclusion."

"_Chakra_ comes in five basic types – earth, water, fire, wind, lightning. But it can be manipulated to perform medical _jutsu, genjutsu, _aid in _taijutsu, _etc," Sakura explained. "And some people," she pointed shamelessly at Naruto, "Are completely hopeless at these because they've got lousy control. It's all about _filters."_

"You can think of magic and general _chakra _as a big pool of all the different energy in the body. When you perform a spell, you push hard on certain parts of your chakra to escape your body and do what it does just moving around; you do this with incantaions and wand motions the same way we state the names of our attacks and perform seals. It focuses the energy.

"But your magic is all muddled up because you only start exercising it at eleven, around the same age we stop learning the basics of ours, so you need a tool like a wand to stop the things that are pulled along with the things you're pushing. A wand that doesn't do that right, the wrong incantation or lousy focus can mess up your spells," Hinata said, sucking frosting off a finger.

"The amount of control to change their 'magic' into _'chakra'_ will never be available to them," Sasuke said musingly, taking a bite of his own sweet.

"How does that help with copying the Disillusionment charm?" Draco said, quirking a brow.

"It…doesn't?" The women glanced at each other. "But we're working on it."

[-M-]

"_Lousy control!"_

Naruto squinted up at the pinkette, "Ya' know, I get it's important and all that shit, but you really don't have to rub it in my face all the time."

"No," she shook her head, pastel locks bouncing in her excitement, "Lousy control is what _they – "_ she waved her hands at their surroundings (which consisted of a perturbed Temari and Shikamaru, a dark fireplace and a – now interrupted – reading Uchiha), indicating the castle " – all have. Which is what _you_ have! In theory, _you_ and your lousy control can perform magic!"

The visiting _shinobi_ exchanged excited glances (or as excited as Shikamaru could get, at least) and moved to get dressed for an afternoon on the town.

[-M-]

"How am I _fucking _doing this?" Naruto said, eyes getting wider as he observed the feather floating up higher and higher above the gathered _shinobi_ and the four students.

"This is so exciting!" Hermione bounced up and down.

"Yeah," Harry said, "We teach him the bloody charm and our peep-show is paid for."

"Yours, Harry," Ron said, watching the spellcasting with some interest, "We're not the ones who mistook the Defense classroom for the toad's office."

"Where is the upset with those two, anyway?" Harry asked, feeling his face redden, "Who decides to make out in a classroom instead of a bedroom or something?"

"You and Malfoy chose to do it in a broom closet."

"_Wingardium Leviosa!"_

"Harry, stop it!"

"_**Kage Bunshin!"**_

"_Naruto!"_

[-M-]

"He's got Padfoot! He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden!"

"That sounds awful. Is that a disease?" Uzumaki glanced worriedly at Ron, "I know how teenagers can be, but that's no excuse for unprotected sex, do you hear me?"

"And there's no reason to be so vague," Sasuke added, that _particular _monotone a sign of how much he was enjoying himself, "An illness is nothing to be ashamed of; concrete terms like 'penis' are a lot better than 'where it's hidden' if you want help."

[-M-]

"How did you get here before us?" Hermione marveled, "You were on foot."

"We could see the horses, with _Byakugan_ if there were obstacles," Sasuke replied. All four ninja were sweaty, their hair in disarray, and stretching cramped limbs, but none looked tired.

"What now?" Ron asked Harry, whose gaze focused on the telephone booth standing innocently nearby.

"Next challenge: fitting eleven people in _there."_

[-M-]

"Merlin, you're such a _loser,_ Potter, why can't you cast something besides an _Expelliarmus_ for once?" Draco said, slowly rotating as the number of Death Eaters around them increased. "Just what the hell have you been teaching us all year for? _Lockhart_ taught us that one."

"Could you shut up for half a second? I'm thinking," Harry said, shifting right with the Slytherin and keeping them back-to-back.

"Who would've thought that the scion of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy was a rotten blood traitor?" came from under one of the masks.

Draco said nothing, which bothered Harry more than if the blonde had kept taunting him. Several spells were fired, and the two of them dodged efficiently, Malfoy thanking Uchiha under his breath for his harsh instruction, and Harry firing off another round of disarming spells. While two of the four around them fumbled for their wands, one suddenly froze, then began to move in complex _taijutsu_ forms to take out his companions, finally dropping to the ground, out cold.

The Hogwarts students looked to the side to see Ino Yamanaka being helped up by Shikamaru Nara; "I can invade and take over the mind of any subject," the woman explained, turning her attention to the two of them. "It's time we got you out of here now."

[-M-]

"You are _weak,_ Dumbledore!"

"_**Weak?"**_ Harry, Draco, and nearly everyone who wasn't Voldemort, Dumbledore or one of the ninja buckled under the weight of anger, bloodlust,_ malevolence_ that permeated the air, the source of which was one blonde, be-whiskered and _grinning_ ambassador. **"You would know a lot about weakness, wouldn't you?"** he growled, teeth growing points and climbing out over his lips, **"Alone, not caring for anyone or anything besides your lusted-after **_**power. **_**Would you like to see power? **_**This**_** is power!"**

And then Harry blacked out.

[-M-]

"I would like to apologize for my fellow ambassador's use of demonic energy. He understands that it was a hasty and unnecessary display of power, and that, despite weakening your Dark Lord with chakra burns, he was able to escape because of the damage it caused to the authorities," Temari of the Sand Village said, face showing only a hint of irritation, "However…our leaders are all disturbed at the magical world's reaction to the use of demonic energy. They feel you are entirely too eager to turn _jinchuuriki_ into weapons, without knowing anything about them.

"Therefore, on behalf of the Elemental Nations, I am expressing our desire to withdraw from the magical community. We feel that the introduction of _shinobi_ to your world was too fast, and that more information needs to reach your people before we let our soldiers out into your world. We have been ordered to be back within the border that separates our world from yours by June twelfth."

[-M-]

"You…uh…you take care now." Naruto said awkwardly, patting the black-haired teen on the shoulder and giving a smile to the others. "I'll be keeping in touch. With unchecked power being the key, demon containers are going to be in the middle of everything now, especially since we can use your kind of magic."

"Thanks again…for everything," Harry said, smiling at the beaming ex-outlaw who was enjoying a stroll around Hogwarts grounds, finally cleared.

"No problem. I can't even remember what was in that veil…the _Bunshin_'s memories are blank. But I'm glad I could get him back for you. I lost my godfather at the beginning of our war. He and Sirius had a lot in common – he was infamous with the ladies, as well," he winked.

"Sounds…charming." Hermione said, unsure expression matching Ron's.

"Charming?" Sakura let out a laugh, "He was the biggest pervert I've ever met! A worse peeper than Harry!"

"_Oi!"_ The attention turned to Naruto, whose face was too blank. "Don't say that about him. He wasn't just a pervert."

"Naruto…"

"He was a _super_ pervert!" Naruto exclaimed with a big grin, ignoring Sakura's eyeroll, "And my teacher. Taught me everything I know. Except, of course, for my most powerful jutsu…"

"The Shadow Clones?" Draco asked, interested despite how quiet he'd been since the Ministry.

"No. I haven't shown it to you yet, have I?" Naruto's smirk grew.

Sakura twitched, "Naruto, it better not be – "

"_**Sexy no Jutsu!"**_

Smack! "You _IDIOT!"_

"Somehow, I don't think they'll be forgetting him, even if we don't keep in touch." Hinata said, giggling at Sasuke's desperate attempts to cover a nosebleed.

…

…

A/N: A present to myself: bits and pieces of what I believed could be an epic story cut and pasted 'till they fit into a small package. I love Naruto crossovers, NaruHina, SasuSaku and sillyness. There may be editing happening, should any reviewer point out an inconsistency. And please review. Tell me what you thought about this and let me know how you feel about me taking the plunge and writing an actual, many-chaptered crossover for these two fandoms. I have a few ideas, all darker and angsty. Muahaha.


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